Page 41 - Excerpts from the diary

very ordinarylooking, was oiled from above and spotty on bo now [...]

06.24.1945

Today was going to write, make much a lot of useful, but the destiny solved differently.
After a breakfast met two girls. They were Russians, from the camp from where evacuations home are subject.
Nearly sinned again for the life, but scrupled the girl's youth she is not 19 years old. She the 26th years,
call Marusya, it is ugly, but is nice so that she is quite worthy to argue with beauty of other girls. Perfect contrast
to Nadia from Berlin. That was very beautiful and very pliable. When I saw her... however, I will tell all story,
this an event, exclusive for me, when I 'sinned'.
All went to the new place. I lodged in the apartment of the regiment commander where there was the only free
sofa on all office.
Some days before the described event I was fond of any medical books treating about impotence and the friend.
The threat forever to remain incapable of sexual activity frightened me now more than ever earlier, and I solved,
by all means to use the last days of stay in the city with advantage for myself, swore an oath to myself to be up to
the end persistent, to overcome in myself shyness and scrupulousness.
In the afternoon when tired with work with books I looked out in a window, noticed the beautiful girl going the
street the blonde, with slightly reddish shade of hair. I called her to myself. She approached. Then I ran out from
the room and, without tightening a conversation, in an emphasis suggested passing to the house.
What will I do there? asked maids of honor.
I answered in its language to read books.
But same it is boring...
I embraced her, we will go to the second floor...advised her. She agreed also to it.
After the cook of the regiment commander who still lived there, whispered: 'I after you!'
It depends on her. Will wish...
But I after all prepare for her to eat.
As you want, and closed both doors conducting with the different sides to the room on a latch.
Embraced, pressed to itself and felt a smell of a dog. But it did not cool, I was persistent and consecutive,
otherwise it was impossible.
On a floor the mattress and a small pillow was stretched, in the room was light and beams of the sun with
curiosity looked to the room. We did not pay attention to them her was and is so hot I have a passionate heart,
and me, to admit, not quite there was enough heat She was cold a body though soul already managed to fall in
love with her, and heart I heard fought is speeded up.
I put she on a bed. Caressed, kissed, ironed where her heart the electric stream grew, she bypassed a body and
stopped at the very end of him near which a half of human life is concentrated. Not enough some caress seemed
to me. I then got 'for a bosom' as are expressed in the people, pulled out breasts. She did not resist and waited, so
at least showed me her eyes, what will be farther. I hurried to an outcome. feel all it, then lowered a hand
there where the most valuable disappears that is protected by her so jealously what looks after in life of the girl
and woman and without what cannot live. Touched this treasure and quickly drew aside a hand, wetted it there.
For a minute I was tormented by thought what it could be such wet.
«Remove from yourself everything, we will be «fikfik», Ok?»
She waited for it and willingly executed this my offer. While undressed I felt impatience. Electric current did not
lose the tension. I drew forms of this treasure which just about for the first time had to me open now in the
imagination. Drawings of the famous and little artists, photos recurred to the memory, and even the pornography
was added by me to the generalized conclusion about the value and the nature of this piece. And even at worst I
could not disfigure so the dream that it did not seem to me so magnificent and smooth, as well as all in the
woman.
But what my surprise, disappointment and offense when I saw instead of the mythical another, real, red,
protruding, wet, ugly to loathing was. Nevertheless, I did not give up the intention to be consecutive. She placed