Page 44 - Excerpts from the diary

One better event sent a parcel to mother it was exempted from 7.5 kilograms of cargo. Moreover, vodka half of
liter 'friends' with whom I lived stole from me. For it is worth thanking the lucky stars too. Now it let know once
again, the trustfulness how is harmful to people around.

Half of the 12th night.
Yesterday watched a concert of the German actors in local dramatic theater. The general qualities characterize all
style of modern theater vulgarity. In this regard number which is thrown out by one of directors 'The woman is
especially characteristic washes' in which it not only displayed all parts of a body women's, but also dared to
draw, under indescribable delight of public, in air and a towel several times to carry out camber of breasts
between legs trying to reproduce as the woman, being wiped, drains the genital. Earlier in Berlin on the stage
'doggie' approached coolly and with advantage the bouquet of flowers presented to her, turned sideways to him
and raised a leg. In such situation 'she' stayed minutes ten, and the public violently reacted, applauding, squealing
from pleasure and delight.
Other characteristic property of the German viewer love for any cheap effects and unscrupulous easy
laughter. Therefore, the aping and buffoon of the actor is more intelligible to public, than a serious and thoughtful
performance.

10.XX.1945

Kremmen. 12 o'clock in the morning.
The girl to me attracted still long ago, in my stay as 'the candidate for political workers' here at crew. I
unintentionally saw her in hairdressing salon of the city and since then became the frequent guest of this
unenviable enterprise. It was always full of people, it was impossible to speak, and only a fluent smile and in
heart the sneaking look was caught by me on the run minutes of visit of hairdressing salon.
She worked as the schoolgirl on a permanent wave, or as it is called here, a curl. She had a young face, a look
velvet beautiful, but hands, probably from excessive work, to gloss and became covered by pimples.
About three days ago I was lucky to see her on the street, to find out her name, age, and even to take home. On a
porch where we stopped, she shook hands with me, nestled and cheeks blushed her. Then for the first time we
kissed.
The next day in the appointed hour she let in me the apartment. Mother was beforehand prepared, and, despite the
bad temper, treated me kindly, but it is suspicious.
Next time, when I came, Margot cried. Mother angrily looked at me and sullenly at the girl. I was embarrassed
and angered at the same time. On the one hand it was unpleasant that I was responsible for a family conflict, and
with another it is annoying that this nasty German old woman scoffs and oppresses the Schimpfen the innocent
little girl in anything. Hardly calmed both one and another, and about itself decided not to come to this
apartment anymore.
Next day, however, received an additional ration, having visited Veltena and having returned to this city, again
decided to try happiness and love.
But not then I was born to be happy. Mother having been delighted to products, as well as I expected the day
before, but she killed with the behavior and greed in me any patience and poisoned in me so many feelings that
even my sympathy went out half.
I gave her a full jar with fat and suggested frying potato that then together to have supper with them. She seized
her with both hands, laid out contents on a plate and, then licked a spoon and fingers to bank dry. In a frying pan
some liquid and I already floated, approached with a knife, cut off a layer of fat which brought, and was already
wanted to throw into a frying pan as the old woman started, flew up to me, and having screamed as obsessed,
rushed to take away him.
What is the matter? I was surprised. Warum?
She explained that it will remain for tomorrow and for other days for her, and today I should eat its slush.
It did not suit me. I knew what decent people so do not do and therefore my indignation lacked borders, but I